


Just like me

by Dadolorian



Category: Prospect (2018)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, No use of y/n, PTSD, Slow Burn, Tag As I Go, canonical death mentioned, little angsty, multi chapters, talk of injuries, will get smutty later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dadolorian/pseuds/Dadolorian
Summary: Reader, like Ezra is an amputee who meets him shortly after the events of Prospect. She offers him an understanding ear and is willing to listen, and becomes a beacon of support for him.Their friendship becomes something both of them cherish dearly,and perhaps are both a little too scared of risking that friendship on something more.
Relationships: Ezra (Prospect 2018)/Reader, Ezra (Prospect 2018)/You, Ezra (prospect 2018)/ Original female character(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 9





	1. One in the same

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of a oneshot i had originally rushed. Now it is a full slow burn and properly edited. 
> 
> Thank you to @oloreaa on Tumblr for being my Beta reader

Prospecting was a dangerous job sometimes.

You were proof enough for that. 

Some would ask why bother with the risk, but they can not understand.

The thrill and joy of finding and securing your payload, the rush you got for a job well done, the chance to drift about to new and wondrous places, was more than worth the risk in your eyes.

And the pay, well, when you had a good job, the pay more than made up for the dangers of prospecting.

You could almost guarantee that after each run your account would be filled up with more points than what you started with. And once you paid off the rental of your pod and supplies, more often than not you made a decent enough profit if things didn’t go tits up.

It was fair to say you were a decent enough prospector, maybe not the most experienced,but you had a decent enough excuse for that. Until a few months ago you were in recovery, having injured yourself on the last run of jobs you had been on before your current drop onto the Green.

Arguably, you could have retired after your injury. Caused a big enough fuss to get some serious compensation, but that would have meant giving up chasing the rush. 

At heart, you were a wanderer, a floater, and you couldn’t settle just yet.

Of course, after the accident you couldn’t just swing back to it. You needed to recover, and medical bills were expensive, not to mention you couldn’t let your employers get away with their gross negligence that caused the accident to begin with, so you had come to an agreement. 

It worked out for both of you, you get to keep your lifestyle and be financially secure at the same time, and they didn’t have to go through a public court battle. 

Your last, and most recent swing had been average, ending with a gig on the Green, you had just caught the ride back home.

Your routine getting back aboard was always the same, even after such a longtime. Say goodbye to your (temporary) partner, sell your Aurelac, drop your belongings in your bunk and take a shower.

Thanks to your hush contract, you had the luxury of a second class bunk this time around, not having to rely on sleeping in your drop ship. It was bigger, private, had its own bathroom and all free of charge for you. Some perks for not choosing to sue.

A new, and rather annoying addition to your routine now would be to check into the medical bay, the only reason your doctors had allowed you back to work was that you agreed to regular check-ups when you weren’t on a gig.

So, a few days later, having waited for after the rush of people docking to catch the last swing to die down, you made your way to the medical wing for a drop in appointment.

Even though the waiting room was empty, you were forced to wait.

You sat down at an observational window, passing the time by watching the stars as the ship flew by them.

Lost in the view for an unknown amount of time, the sound of the door caught your attention, that familiar hiss of them opening and shutting.

You turned to make eye contact with the other patient… another amputee, just like yourself. You took note of his face, a small scar on the left cheek, the prominent nose, a streak of blonde in his otherwise dark and slightly scruffy hair, square jaw, and short facial hair. He was certainly handsome, even with his slightly disheveled appearance. 

His right arm was gone, you noted, just below the shoulder. His stump was well bandaged, you didn’t feel guilt about staring at his injury, you were one in the same after all, but he seemed to mind.

He tried to subtly turn himself away from your inspection so his left side was facing you more, a little self-conscious over his injury, it would seem.

You gave him a warm smile, trying to ease his embarrassment a little by pulling up your right pant leg to show him your prosthetic.

A silent way of telling him you were one in the same.

It seemed to have worked, for he visibly relaxed a little, returning your smile as he found a place to sit close by after checking in.

He hesitated, looking like he wanted to ask you something. He was lost in his thoughts for a short while before you decided to speak first.

“Recent amputation?” You asked, giving him another smile.

“Yeah, happened less than a cycle before catching the swing back,” he said

You nodded to yourself “Looks pretty fresh. You don’t look quite comfortable with it yet either” 

“No, indeed I am not.” He sighed “May i ask... if I were to inquire about your own heretofore displayed impairment, would you have any issue in disclosing what had caused your own injury to me?” He asked , eyes roaming over your face, small crooked smile tugging at his lips

Did he swallow a fucking thesaurus? You thought to yourself, leaning back in your window seat. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours first.” Tilting your head, you looked him in the eyes.

“I asked first,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, you did. Seems rude to ask my story without offering yours first,” you said, the smile that was on your face letting him know you weren’t actually bothered.

“Very well,” he said, sitting back into his chair, getting comfortable by throwing his one arm over the back of it. “I was shot by a little bird. Scared kid who was completely justified in her actions, so I do not find myself with much blame towards her." Something like regret flitted over his face, but it was quickly gone as he launched himself into the story." I had originally been the cause of her predicament becoming much direr than it currently was, so she fired upon me in what she believed to be defense despite my lack of intentions to harm her."

He then gestured to his shoulder, and gave a half shrug as his brows drew together." Sad truth is it became inflamed , dust had entered my wound and I was not able to treat it accordingly. Before I knew it, infection set in and I eventually had to make the onerous decision to amputate it before it spread to the rest of my body.” Smile wry, he made a gesture at you like 'What can you do?', the corner of his expressive eyes crinkling slightly.

“You did it yourself?” You winced.

“Naw, Little lady who shot me became quite the welcomed, albeit reluctant, ally. Managed to do it all herself, cool as a cucumber." He huffed to himself, amused, before continuing: "Wish I could say the same for myself, I was wracked with nerves during the whole procedure.” He looked at you, a self-deprecating tone in his voice that was offset by the hawk-sharp look in his eyes.

“Ah, well at least you’re not bullshitting your bravery,” you huffed, before backtracking to what he said, eyes becoming wide as saucers. “So, you were conscious?” You asked in shock.

“Regrettably so. We did not have the luxury of professional medical facilities such as this.” He gestured around.

“I’ve heard some nasty amputation stories over my time recovering, and it’s always the ones where they are conscious that bother me the most,” you explained, feeling ever so slightly queasy at the thought.

“And…what about yourself?” He asked.

“Unfortunately for you I am not allowed to tell my whole story." You smiled at him, holding up your hands. "An unnamed private business was responsible for an accident in which I can’t disclose legally. Had to sign a  _ lot _ of papers,” you sighed at that, unable to keep your annoyance out of your voice, before continuing. ”What I  _ can _ tell you was I was in an accident involving machinery. I broke everything below my waist, most of it was healed, but my right leg was the worst. Completely crushed. When I was pulled out, the limb had undergone some extreme tissue damage." You paused for half a second, mind wandering. "They tried to save it, but there was nothing that could be done,” you explained with a slightly dismissive shrug.   
His brow was furrowed, looking at the prosthetic slightly exposed at the ankle in thought.    
“You seem to handle it quite well” He said eventually.   
You took a closer look at him. Bags under his eyes, avoiding prolonged eye contact with you, lethargic body language. It was recent for him, you concluded, he was still traumatized. Not that you blamed him.   
“A lot of people say that, ” you said, wanting to give him some hope and comfort, his eyes seemed so sad, you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be the support you had needed yourself when you were in his position.    
“It’s gotten easier, but I can’t lie and say I’m not still affected by it anymore. There are days where I continue to struggle. But each day gets easier. They will get easier for you too.” You looked him straight in the eyes, face serious. You needed him to understand that you were not simply saying things, that it was something that you had experienced yourself.   
He gave you a skeptical look, silently challenging that notion.   
“I know, I know,” you sighed, looking down to the floor before meeting his gaze again. “It’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true. You’ll struggle, but that means you’ll learn and adapt. You’ll get there.” Giving him a big smile, you hoped that some of your words will stick. .

“If I can be honest, I’ve already gotten sick of hearing those words of encouragement from my doctor. It seems so hollow and disingenuous when he says it, like a fallacy. It feels initializing to have him repeat his mantra over, and over again, and frankly, I struggle to believe it." He scoffed slightly, before quieting. Looking at you, head slightly tilted, he continued. "But coming from you, someone who has been in my own shoes, so to speak, I feel inclined to believe there is some truth behind those words, even if I do find myself skeptical about them,” he said, brows drawn together, eyes roaming across your face. .    
You shrugged lightly. “It usually helps, knowing someone who’s gone through the same thing. A friend.”    
“And is that what you are offering me? A friendship?” He asked, an amused smile gracing his lips and a curious look in his tired eyes. 

You shrugged again “I think that depends on you. But, at the very least, I can be an understanding ear, and I'm willing to listen. If you’re interested that is.” 

He cocked his head slightly at you, a small smile playing around his lips, “I…” he began, choosing his words “ I appreciate the offer. It would be nice to have someone who will listen to my long-winded nammerings without judgment or pity.”

“No pity… just…sympathy, compassion,” you offered.

“I think, then, I would like that very much. So long as you promise not to grow weary of my contemplation's” 

You gave him an amused huff. “I think with the way you talk, it would be very hard to be bored.” 

“Very well, annoyed then.” He smiled and you laughed at his small joke. 

You were content to sit there and chat to him more about anything and everything, but unfortunately for the two of you your conversation was interrupted by the receptionist calling your name.    
“That you?” He asked.    
“Yup” You sighed standing up reluctantly. ”It was nice to meet you…?”    
“-Ezra,” he supplied.    
“Ezra,” you repeated, testing it out. It suited him. “I hope I can see you around then, I mean it, having someone who understands how to help would really benefit you.”    
“I know, thank you. I’ll have to take you up on it soon.” He smiled, giving you a small wave as you left the waiting room for your check up. 

It surprised you to find him waiting outside the medical wing for you when you finished with your appointment. He was leaning back against the wall trying to look nonchalant.    
“How the fuck did you get out before me?” You asked with a smile, pleasantly surprised.   
He had a small smile of relief on his face,“I only went for a bandage change,” he said, waving his stump a little to show. “I hope you are not too put off by my waiting here. I fear i may come across as overzealous.”   
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it” You smiled, shaking your head in indication you didn't think that way of him. “Sorry you had to wait so long. If I had known you were waiting I might have tried to hurry things along.”    
“It’s not a problem," Ezra insisted "I didn’t really have plans to do anything, and I was hoping for a better chance to talk to you." He gave a boyish smile, and you could not help but being charmed a bit. "Perhaps in the mess hall, if you would be so inclined to join me?”    
You nodded in understanding and agreement. “Fair enough, I suppose. How’s it healing then?” You asked, motioning to his stump.   
“As well as it can be. My doctor is worried about my exposure to further infection so it's being heavily monitored. Daily changes at the moment.”    
“That gets boring fast,” you said, motioning for him to follow you as you made your way to the mess hall.    
“I am very much in agreement with you there, I must say," He said "I have only been on board for a few days and I am already finding myself bored and frustrated with the routine,” Ezra sighed slightly, annoyance in his voice.   
“Just wait until you get a prosthetic. Then you’ll be in there for ages,” you snickered before you realized something. ”Are you wanting a prosthetic?” You asked.    
“I don’t think I would be able to even consider choosing not to invest in one." Brows furrowed, he looked at you. "I can not even fathom how i would be able to continue on in my career without the use of my arm.”    
“Quite the investment, if you want one good enough to act as a full replacement. I would have to imagine they would cost more than a prosthetic leg.”    
“That's what the doc said. I am a little overwhelmed with decisions because he keeps showing me all these different options that I cannot quite distinguish from each other." Frustration was written all across his face and in his voice. "I had not realized it would be so complicated.” He sighed, sounding a little dejected.    
“I’d be more than willing to offer my help in that then,” you offered, “It's best to figure out your needs and work backwards from there.” 

“You are surely a godsent from the heavens themselves,” he chuckled, you ignored the way his compliment and laugh made your stomach flip.    
“I am simply wise counsel,” you joked, making him chuckle more.    
“Either way, your offers of help in all kind of regards is much appreciated. I do not feel quite so daunted towards my own recovery now." Ezra smiled at you brightly, and you smiled back. "I thank you for your kindness, a rarity i fear in this line of work sometimes.”    
“Not wrong there,” you sighed knowingly as the two of you entered the mess hall.    
It was quiet, given the time of day, a little too early for those wanting their lunch that wasn’t from a ration or nutrient pack. You preferred it like this anyway. 

The food wasn’t amazing, neither of you were first class citizens but it was damn better than the food you were all able to store on your pods and ships. A hot meal of any kind was sought after on these kinds of trips, even if it was just hot mush.

You filled up your tray alongside Ezra, watching him curiously as he easily filled his tray as he pushed it along, the hard part would be maneuvering to a table. You weren't going to offer him any physical help, not yet at least. Giving him the space to learn and adapt would do him better than to dote on him. You remembered how frustrating it was, but you also remember how equally frustrating it was to be physically dependent on others. 

You would not offer him help with physical things unless he asked. 

Regardless, he managed it, balancing his tray on one arm as the two of you made your way over to an empty table.    
You pulled your chair out and he kicked his out before you both sat down. 

“I think I like coming here earlier,” he said, looking around. “Less people means less well meaning individuals offer to help me out,” he said, tucking into whatever food he had piled on his tray. “I hope that doesn’t make me sound ungrateful. I appreciate help but I do not want to be treated like someone completely invalid, the idea of not being able to take care of myself physically is a wretched notion.”    
“No, I get ya,” you said, understanding. “You need to do things for yourself. You value your independence, and when people dote on you like that, you feel pitied, your independence feels invalidated. You start to resent the ‘help’ because of it.”    
“A perfect way to describe the mix of feelings I have found myself with over these past few days,” he agreed, looking at you, chewing on his food    
“Just wait until you get your prosthetic” You smiled “You’ll be able to hide it well under a long sleeve and no one would be able to tell”    
“Well if you are any indication to go by, i am more than willing to believe that," He said "If i had not known you were missing a part of yourself beforehand, i would not have been able to tell just from watching you walk. It's impossible to notice at a glance” He complimented, smiling, eyes dropping slightly wistfully.    
“Thank you, I was fueled purely by spite in my recovery” You said, your smile growing.    
He laughed “Why, I am truly inclined to believe you." He grinned at you, smile sharp and endearing all the same time. "I shall take that to heart in my own recovery and take inspiration from you.” 

There the two of you sat in the mess hall with him what felt like hours. You found him so easy to talk to and could not help but be entertained by the way he spoke and whatever story he told you. You had found yourself hanging onto his every word, and when you spoke he made you feel like the center of the universe. Your conversations drifted between your shared physical disabilities as well as more personal topics, to get to know each other a little better. You spoke about the places you had visited, the difficult jobs, and your shared love of books. You couldn’t remember the last time you had such a pleasant conversation with another prospector. Most of your interactions were your temporary partners or hostile ‘competition’, there was never any opportunity to share in such deep conversations.

When the two of you reluctantly parted ways, you made sure to let him know where to find you in the second class quarters should he feel inclined to want to speak to you again.

He assured you very much that he was definitely interested in seeing you again. You felt like a teenage girl at that and as you said your goodbyes, hiding a bashful smile as he promised he would come find you again soon.


	2. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life of a prospector doesn't allow for long term relationships.   
> Sometimes its easier to end things before someone gets hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @oloreaa on Tumblr for being my Beta reader

  
True to his word, Ezra was quick to find you again, an enthusiastic man you had come to notice as he was knocking at your door the next morning. He had that big, charming smile plastered on his face and apparently had been eagerly awaiting an appropriate time to come seek you out. The second he had finished his morning meal with ‘Cee’ he had excused himself to come find you he later informed you.   
You hummed happily, inviting him into your quarters, delighted by his eagerness, for you mirrored his enthusiasm. From that point on he had integrated himself as a permanent part of your routine on the journey home.    
  
Unless one of you was busy, you could be found together  _ somewhere  _ on the ship. Most of the time it was in your quarters, but that didn’t stop the two of you venturing out to the observation deck, the mess hall or any small alcove along the many hallways so you could wrack each other’s brain.    
Most of your conversations were sharing your opinions on the books you started to read together, laughing as he would use his way with words and expressive vocabulary to add and improve upon the work, something he said he was inspired to do from his ‘Little Bird’. He on the other hand enjoyed listening to your ideas and the way you interpreted the pieces, thoroughly enjoying listening to you as you tried to explain what you believed certain things meant.   
  
And just as you had offered, you helped him with dealing with his amputation. During your first few days getting to know one another you explained different prosthetics, and helped him narrow down his choices based on his needs, for when the time came. He wanted something advanced enough to allow him individual movement of his fingers rather than a basic one that would only clench all of them, something that allowed him more control and finesse. You steered him in the direction of a limb similar to your own, something vacuum sealed that would allow him to wear it without the need for too many straps.   
“You truly have made this process far less daunting,” he had told you as he took messy notes with his left hand and flashing you  _ that smile _ once more.    
  
He began to subject you to _ many _ annoying arm puns, his vocabulary resulting in some of the most creative and long winded puns you had ever heard. You wanted to smack him each time you saw that shit eating grin but you just couldn’t stay annoyed at him for long.    
_ ‘Keeva,’ _ you thought _ ‘Is this what it's like when I do it too? _ ’

While you weren’t as skilled at such creative language, you had experience on your side, giving him simple but classical leg puns quickly in return. His boisterous laugh each time warming your heart.

His little notebook was soon filled with all the advice you had given him on keeping his stump healthy, and one evening, just a few weeks after you had met he even trusted you enough to begin speaking about his nightmares with you. It was clear he showed a tremendous amount of trust in you at that point already, as he bore his deepest fears to you and allowed himself to be so vulnerable in your presence. 

You had sat by his side on your bunk, stroking his back in comfort as he trembled and confessed what was haunting him. In return, you began to share the more personal stories of your recovery, telling him of painful therapies, numerous surgeries and horrifying nights alone in the hospital. He was able to provide you with your own comfort you had been denied for so long.

  
From breakfast till nightfall, every day for months you two were in each other's company, conversations with Ezra were far from boring, but as the two of you grew closer you both felt comfortable enough with each other to not constantly fill the silence. The day the two of you spent just sitting in your bunk each reading a book in complete silence together was the day you felt like you could truly call him a friend, not just someone you knew.   
He had even introduced you to Cee, his ‘little bird’ he had mentioned when you had first met, she was weary of you at first, not that you blamed her after everything she had gone through. But you made a genuine effort to gain her trust, and you weren’t close, but she began to relax around you during your short interactions.   
Ezra told you he had made it his personal goal to make sure Cee would be taken care of now that she was orphaned, when he first started to trust you more he had explained to you the full tale of how they met. Curled up on your bed, side by side, he expressed deep sorrow in being the reason Cee was now an orphan as well as some hidden resentment towards her father for what he had attempted to do to him, but more importantly, the life he had forced Cee into. You listened to Ezra rant on about how Cee should never have been taken to the Green. How a child her age should not have been forced into the life of a prospector. You could see quite clearly that Ezra had a connection with her, he cared for her and wanted to do right by her. That just endeared him to you more. The contrast between a hardened, cynical prospector and a soft, genuine man made him seem more human to you than any other person you had met. 

  
He was the complete opposite of you, in terms of affection, he did nothing to hide his thoughts and admiration of you, even from the start, constantly complimenting you and making any excuse to touch you. He was always watching for any sign that it was unwelcomed, and he did nothing to hide his adoring smiles when they weren't.   
You on the other hand weren’t quite as expressive as him, you wished you had the confidence he seemed to have, because you wanted so desperately to return  _ all _ his affections, his compliments, his casual touches.   
He would casually brush some hair from your face and you wanted to lean into his touch, to feel the warmth of his hand on your cheek. When the two of you sat together, curled up on your bunk as you often were, one of you reading out loud from one of your precious books, you wanted to rest your head on his shoulder and embrace him. He would casually put his arm around you as you walked, you wanted nothing more than to lean into him and wrap your own arm around him in return.    
But no, everytime he spouted beautiful monologues complimenting you,admiring you, praising your mere existence to the heavens you kept quiet, somehow convincing yourself Ezra was just being  _ nice _ .

  
It was amazing and terrifying just how  _ important _ he had become to you in just a few short months. Your feelings were an uncomfortable cocktail in your stomach, you were wanting to bridge whatever gap was between the two of you and become something more, but were fearing the risk of losing the friendship you had. And a cynical, depressing, part of your mind wanted to push him away, knowing deep down once you departed the ship you would lose everything regardless. It was some desperate attempt to shield yourself from the pain that was to come. 

But as he spoke about some other thought that had escaped his beautiful mind you pushed those ideas away, burying them deep so you could enjoy your time with him and deal with them later. It was not something you would be able to keep up forever. 

* * *

  
  
A week before you were scheduled to land back on central, you were curled up with him on your bunk as usual, his one arm around you, leaning back against the wall with a content smile and his eyes closed as he listened to you read aloud. You were lost in thought, reading the words aloud on instinct, not really paying attention to the words you spoke as you thought.    
You had been avoiding it for a while, but now, a week until you landed, you were finding it increasingly impossible to distract yourself from what plagued your mind.    
  
You had never kept up a friendship or relationship at all once you parted ways with someone. You did not have his affinity for words, you couldn’t just ask or communicate your thoughts the way he could, so you continued to push it away. You had a tendency to do so, that was why it took you so long to properly deal with your own recovery, it took wanting to help him for you to accept that.    
And had picked up on it, he truly was an observant man because he always noticed when you were trapped in your own mind, overthinking every little thing when something was bothering you. Even as you read aloud, he noticed it.    
“Angel?” He asked, a pet name he had taken to calling you after he joked for the umptheenth time that you were Heavensent. “What is plaguing that  _ extraordinary  _ mind of yours?” He asked, opening his eyes to look at you, brow quirked in question.    
You glanced at him. “Nothing,” you lied, trying to be nonchalant, giving him a one shouldered shrug, to which he huffed.    
“Please, do not attempt to lie to me like that,” he said, narrowing his eyes at you in suspicion. “We have far established that I can tell when something is bothering you. You are usually so  _ expressive _ when you read to me, a fact I thoroughly enjoy as I listen to your angelic voice." He paused, brows burrowing, looking at you.

"You are distracted and monotonous as you speak Angel, something is troubling you."

His voice softened until it was barely above a whisper, "You are nothing if not patient and understanding with me in aiding me in my troubles. Please grant me the same trust I do to you?”    
He had a point, he trusted you in telling you of his nightmares, trusted you at his most vulnerable, surely you could do him the same courtesy? You sighed, trying to think of a way to best express your thoughts into something he could understand.    
“We land in a week,” you started, crossing your arms in self comfort, and he simply looked at you, cocked his head, unable to see what was so significant about that fact. You continued when he didn’t say anything. “I have never maintained any sort of relationship once I have parted ways with someone. I have never run into the same partner again, or managed to keep a friendship once I have left. I’m too much of a drifter.”   
A soft, understanding smile drifted across his face. “And you fear we will drift apart once we are done with our endeavors?” he asked, giving your shoulder a gentle and affectionate pat.    
You nodded slowly, avoiding his gaze.    
“There is a simple fix to that, Angel, we must simply keep in touch once we depart!” he said cheerfully, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.    
“I would love for it to be that  _ simple, _ Ezra.” You sighed “But once we land I'm going to look for work as soon as possible. I’ll take the next sling out to whatever planet I can find to continue prospecting. I’ve been so desperate to get back on my feet,  _ literally,  _ that I'm not even going to stick around central to enjoy my spoils from  _ this _ job.”    
He thought about that for a moment. “I suppose I do not blame you for that,” he said, rubbing his patchy beard for a second in further thought. “I am certain when the time comes for me I will be finding myself in the same position. But, we can try to keep in contact!” His optimistic and playful smile trying to ease your anxieties. “Once we land I will be making my way with Little Bird and finding a home. Get all the legal stuff sorted, and get her into a school. Keeva knows she has no desire to stay stuck in the life of a prospector and I am not inclined to force her. We can arrange for a means of communication between us before you leave again,” he said, removing his hold on you to give you a comforting pat on the knee.    
You gave him a skeptical look. “You?  _ Setting down roots _ ?” You asked skeptically, not believing it for a  _ second _ . He was more of a drifter at heart than you were, you knew for a _ fact _ he had no desire to settle yet and wanted to get back to exploring the galaxy as soon as possible.    
“I’m afraid so.” He sighed, a sad but hopeful, wistful look in his eyes. “There is no way any sort of sane official will let me become Little Birds legal guardian without a stable home. I am not connected to her by blood after all and I have no rights to drag her over the galaxy for my own dreams as her biological father felt the need to." He sighed again at that, gaze becoming far away, a small frown settling on his face. "She will be happier with the chance to settle down and experience a normal life, I intend to give her that.”    
“Thats…incredibly selfless of you, Ezra” you mumbled, once again endeared to his soft nature he kept hidden under the hardened exterior he often tried to convey.    
“It’s… The right thing to do,” he said, shoulder slumped. “I am the reason she is without a father after all, I can't just abandon her to the mercies of the universe after what I took.”    
“ _ Please _ tell me you aren’t doing this out of guilt?” you asked clanging back at him with a small frown. “Taking care of her as some penance what happened on the Green is not the only way you can do right by her-”    
“I know that!” He interrupted, hand held palm up to stop you. “I am not doing this as some form of self inflicted ‘punishment’. I have been having many serious conversations with the Little Bird when I retire from your company each night,” he explained pinching the bridge of his nose as he revealed his plans. “Our original plan was to track down some distant relative, or put her into government care but neither of us were satisfied with those bleak options. I have grown close to her, she is a remarkable child and i  _ want _ to make sure she is taken care of, given the best life she can possibly get." He took a deep breath, looking distressed. "She will not get that from some  _ government official _ , or some strange family member she has never even  _ met _ before, who takes her in simply from biological _ obligation _ . Someone who holds no love in their heart for such an amazing child. Who would possibly have any desire to be raised by that?"

Ezra looked at you, expression earnest. "I am taking this upon myself, because I  _ want _ to. I resent any notion of not seeing her again, just as I hold in my heart the fear of not being able to see  _ you _ again either.”    
Your heart melted at his words. “Ezra,” you sighed, leaning forward on the bunk. “I can’t make any promises, you and I both know prospecting isn’t a lifestyle that allows long term relationships to last….”    
“Then I shall make it my goal to keep in contact with you!” he said, optimism clear in his voice and sparkling in his soft eyes. “I’ll send out transmissions  _ every single _ night to you if i have to to keep our friendship kindled! Just to keep some semblance of you in my life, and I in yours.”    
You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, that will keep up for what? Six months before you get bored?. Until someone more interesting comes around and i become an  _ afterthought _ in your day-”    
“Angel, just  _ where _ are you getting these thoughts?” he interrupted, shaking his head. “How could you possibly think I would forget about you for even a second? My thoughts have been consumed by you from the moment we met!” He got closer, but did not touch you, hand clenching in obvious frustration.   
“ _ Experience _ , Ezra,” you sighed, pushing yourself away from him a little. You had not intended to start an argument, but you wanted him to understand that once you parted ways, you had little hope for what was between you to continue. The annoying, toxic little thoughts that had been creeping in the back of your mind for a while started spilling out.    
You had learnt the hard way that your life would not allow for something so permanent. When you had met him and offered your ear, your help, you did not believe it would extend past landing in Central. You hoped to give him enough help until he could find permanent support. But you became enthralled by him, your friendship had blossomed into something you would cherish for a lifetime, something you knew could not be maintained and fall apart just like every other relationship you had ever had.    
“Then let’s experience something better!” He pleaded. “I am more than willing to put in the effort to keep in contact with you! Whatever it takes, Angel, I'll do it!” Desperation clung to his words, his brows furrowed as he looked at you, jaw working, visibly holding back on his words.   
“Your optimism is just going to get you  _ hurt _ ,Ezra,” you sneered, “I should have brought this up  _ weeks _ ago, before we got so close-”    
He cut you off. “You wish to have cut our friendship off before we became close? Angel, I would not have allowed such a thing-”    
You got up off the bunk in an annoyed huff, away from him, he just didn’t get it.    
“Do you _ really _ believe it could work, Ezra?” You asked him with an exasperated sigh, gesturing at the distance between the two of you. ”Have you  _ ever _ been able to successfully maintain a relationship of  _ any _ kind once you said your goodbyes?”    
His brow furrowed, shoulder slumped once more and his gaze drifted down to the ground. “N-no…I have not, Angel,” he sighed.   
“It might have been for the best if we had just cut this off before anything started. That way neither of us would get hurt,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself in comfort.    
“I believe that's a cowardly way to shield your heart, Angel” he said, lips pressed tightly together. “Have you ever heard the quote ‘ _ tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all _ ’? I value the friendship I have found in you, and even if we do not see each other after we part ways, even with the heartbreak I am  _ positive _ I shall experience. I will hold onto the memory of you and our friendship with a deep love and admiration. I will not regret even for a second choosing to get to know you and becoming your friend because I was afraid of getting hurt.” His voice was low, pain an audible undercurrent in it.   
“Well, I wish I had your mindset.” You sighed, shaking your head. “I learnt a long time ago that it's just easier to not get involved so much.”   
“  _ ‘Easier’ _ “ He scoffed. “That’s just cowardice and we  _ both _ know it. How is the woman I met this guarded? This afraid? You are a dazzling and radiant creature. Such a brave and kindhearted woman, I had no inclination you could be this  _ cold _ about something.”    
“And here I thought you were logical enough to understand the reality of long term relationships as a prospector!” You snapped, pointing a finger at him. “You said so yourself that you have  _ never _ maintained one in this life-”    
“I’ve never wanted to before!” he almost shouted, panic rising in his voice. “I have never dreaded saying goodbye to someone the way I dread saying goodbye to you-”   
“That’s why we should have ended this weeks ago!” You shouted back, curling into yourself, getting away from him, fists clenching.    
“No! That's  _ exactly _ why we should work to maintain what we have!” He said desperately getting up off the bunk so he was more eye level with you. Stepping into the personal space you were trying to expand. He wasn’t having any of that.   
“It won't work! It never does!” You said, you could hear your voice rising in pitch, as it often did when you got emotional.    
“Just because you have been unlucky in the past does not mean we should give up on a good thing!” he said, reaching for you cautiously. “Angel, please understand, I will do  _ whatever _ it takes… _ Please _ do not cut me out. I fear being forced from your life will do more harm than naturally drifting apart over time would do. Do not force me away,” he murmured sadly, taking your hand in his, impossibly gentle.    
You bowed your head so you didn’t have to look at him. “I’m not going to be responsible for you sitting at home, every night, waiting for some kind of response from me. I don’t want to give you false hope-”    
“It’s not false hope if there's a real possibility of you answering,” he said quietly.    
“And what happens if I  _ don't _ ? “ You asked, pulling your hand away. ”This is a  _ dangerous _ profession, we both know that. What happens if I get hurt, or worse? And you're sitting in your home every night, for months?  _ Years? _ When do you give up after i'm gone?”    
“ _ Please _ don’t talk like that Angel.” He sighed.    
“Why? Too much of a  _ reality check _ ?” you taunt, biting back even more poisonous words    
“I think you are just looking for  _ more _ justification in pushing me away,” Ezra said. He hesitated before he continued. “I understand you have been hurt in the past, but your notion that cutting things off, and shielding your heart from others will do nothing to ease those pains. I will worry about you every night regardless, even if I am not granted the pleasure of hearing from you daily. I will still worry about you no matter what, and I will not give up on hope of hearing from you again, so long as you do not forcibly push me away.”    
You turned away from him, ashamed of the hurt you would no doubt cause this man.   
“You should focus on Cee ” you sighed, words bitter in your mouth. “She needs you, and she’ll be around permanently for you once you get things sorted. An adoptive daughter is something much more important than a drifter you met and became acquainted with.”    
“ ‘ _ Acquainted with _ ?’ “ he asked with an exasperated sigh. “Angel, we are friends, _ good friends _ . Please do not devalue the relationship we have built. You are the most trusted friend I have ever had-”    
“I don’t want to _ hurt you, _ Ez-”    
“Then don’t cut me off!” He pleaded, running his hand through his hair in distress. “Make the effort and I will too!-”    
“I don’t want to get hurt either! I don’t want to risk it!”   
“This is bullshit!” His breaths were becoming a little rapid. “ It’s going to hurt no matter what you do! Is it not  _ worth _ the risk to you?”   
“ _ No _ !” you shouted. “No, it never is! I _ hate _ the heartbreak and I should have stopped this before it got too far!”   
“Angel,  _ please _ -” He pleaded again, voice desperate.    
“NO! No, Ezra just  _ go _ .” you sighed, slumping in position.”  _ Please _ . Our friendship was nice while it lasted. I didn’t mean for it to go this far….”    
He made a hesitant step towards you, face heartbroken , he tried to take hold of your hand with his own again but you pulled away quickly.    
“Just  _ go, _ ” you sighed again in exasperation, mind running at lightspeed.    
He tried to plead with his eyes, searching your gaze, but you just looked away again. “I am sorry I have caused you so much distress,” he said, sorrow thick in his voice and he made his way to leave reluctantly. “I will cherish the time spent with you, I am sorry you will not look back on it with the same fondness,” he added before he finally left, door shutting behind him, achingly final   
You had not realized, in the time you had gotten close to him, just how  _ much _ he had sunk his way into your soul. 

You had enjoyed his company so much but _ ignored _ just how much his presence had wormed its way deep into your heart. You had been blind to the reality of what would happen once you had made friends with him. And you wished,  _ wished _ you really had cut things off before it had gotten this far, because the heartbreak racing through your being was far,  _ far _ worse than anything you could have imagined. It tore away at your insides and you tried to process just what was causing it, the pain of cutting him out, the pain of hurting him, or the pain that told you he was right?   
You loathed yourself as you realized the only reason you were currently feeling so disgusting was because of your own  _ stubbornness _ .    
You felt your knees grow weak as the sorrow krept up on you, the acidic cocktail of pure  _ shame _ swirling in your stomach, you staggered over and collapsed into your bunk,  _ which still smelt like him _ .    
You could not hold your tears back as you cursed yourself for ever letting him get so close to you.    
  
  


* * *

Ezra did not show up at his usual time the next morning, and you were unsure if you were pleased or not with that. His absence just made you feel worse and you stubbornly doubled down on the belief that that  _ proved _ you should have cut him out sooner, rather than accepting he was right.It was easier to delude yourself that admit completely that you were wrong. Hiding from the truth like a frightened  _ child _ .   
For the remainder of your journey it felt like he was actively avoiding you, because you had never once seen him in passing whenever you left the safety of your quarters.    
  
The night before you landed, a knock at the door roused you. Your heart betrayed you as you felt a rush of elation course through you, he had come back to see you despite everything you had said to him!    
“Just a minute!” You called to him from your bunk as you rushed putting your prosthetic on. You scrambled to the door unable to hide the relief you felt as you opened the door and saw…Cee.    
“Uhm, hey," the girl said, looking awkward, "Sorry about this, Ezra wanted to return a book he borrowed but he didn’t want to ‘disturb’ you.” She handed you one of the books you had leant to Ezra. ”But that’s code for ‘ _ too chicken to come see you _ ’. Turns out he’s a bit of a baby like that,” She continued with an enigmatic smile.    
“Ah,  _ thank you, _ ” you said, deflating , taking the book, disappointment apparently clear on your face.    
“I’ll tell him you were wanting to see him,” she said a little playfully as she slinked off. You tried to call out to her to stop but she was quick to disappear into the dark halls and ignored you.    
With a heavy sigh you closed the door and went back to bed, throwing the book onto your packed belongings as you did so.    
His absence had done nothing but distress you more. Perhaps it was pride, or stubbornly sticking to your belief that kept you away, but more than anything you were just too afraid and ashamed of how you had acted.    
He had called you a coward, you were beginning to believe him.    
  
You glanced at the book from your position on your bunk, and wished he had returned it himself. But at the same time you were relieved he didn’t. You had planned to be up early, the next morning, so you pulled your leg off so you could settle down properly. Wanting to depart the second you landed, able to avoid seeing him that way, if possible. You couldn’t deny to yourself now that you  _ wanted _ to see him, but you were stuck in your belief that it was better not to get too close for fear of getting hurt even further. Seeing him again, as much as you wanted to, would just hurt you all over again, because you still believed it wouldn’t work. It was a storm of feelings inside you, each of them battling each other. This was why you kept people away.   
It was  _ easier _ .    
  


* * *

You were up and early the next day, having packed everything that remained and cleared out your quarters. You elected to hide in your bunk, rather than the foyer that would no doubt be packed with people raring to get off, just in case he was there.    
But, despite your efforts to hide, he was there anyway. Waiting on the boardwalk outside the departure doors, Cee just a short distance away off to the side, minding her own business.   
Annoyingly, he stood dead center in the middle of the walkway, hand on his hip as he scouted you out. The stubborn, cowardly part of you wanted to return to your quarters.   
You could attempt to sneak past him but that just felt childish. The crowd had already dispersed enough now so it was just a gentle trickle of people leaving the ship. So you kept walking , head held high, not looking at him.   
He caught your wrist anyway, fingers curling around it firm, but gently.   
“Please let me go Ezra,” you whispered, not meeting his gaze, clutching your bag closer to yourself.    
“Angel, please, do not do me the disservice of not giving me a proper goodbye. I will never be able to forgive myself if I do not say farewell to you properly.”    
“Ok,  _ goodbye, _ ” you said, trying to pull out of his grip.    
“ _ Angel, _ don’t be  _ childish _ ” he chided, not willing to let go of his hold on you until you relaxed, so you relented reluctantly. He was right, you _ were _ being childish.    
He pulled you into a hug as best he could with one arm, chin resting on your head.    
“I have missed your company this past week, as I would like to imagine you have done so with me,” he started, holding you tightly to his front as if scared you would take flight. 

“It has given me a taste as to what life will be like now without you and I can ascertain that it is not something that i enjoy. However, I can not deny that despite our time together being so short, I have thoroughly enjoyed what time I have spent with you, and I do not regret one second I spent getting to know you. My  _ only _ regret is that we cannot continue this, as much as i wish we could. I will not force you to partake in something you do not want, as much as it pains me to say goodbye. You are an amazing, _ beautiful  _ and kindhearted woman, your help in dealing with the most difficult part of my life will forever be appreciated, and I truly believe your kindness has saved my life. I wish to go on only looking back at our brief friendship with fondness, which is why I wanted to say goodbye properly,” he said, his voice tight.    
Your eyes were tearing up. If only you could be so open with how you felt, telling him exactly what is going on inside your head, and once again you found yourself jealous of his way with words. You felt them, trapped in your throat, you wanted to express every thought and emotion he had managed to conjure up in you, to tell him of your confusing feeling that had been consuming you. To just tell him that you were sorry and that he was  _ right _ , because that part of you that cared about him knew that if you just admitted you were wrong there would have been no need for  _ any _ of this. 

But you couldn’t. You weren’t _ him _ . You were far too stubborn for your own good and you couldn’t express yourself as easily as  _ breathing _ as he could.    
All you could manage was to choke out a muffled “Goodbye Ezra” as he held you.    
He begrudgingly let you go, pulling you closer for a brief moment to plant a kiss on your forehead.    
“Goodbye, Angel” He said. “If…if you ever change your mind, I wrote my contact number in the cover of the book Little Bird returned.”    
You finally looked into his eyes, his own reflecting the tears that welled up in yours, pain and sorrow looking back at one another.    
You turned your back to him, and with that you were gone. 


	3. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets a second chance with Ezra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @oloreaa on Tumblr for being my Beta reader

It was a good year and a half later when you landed back on central next. Almost  _ two years _ since you had met Ezra originally. Simultaneously feeling like a lifetime had passed and feeling like you had just seen him yesterday.

True to your word, you had taken the next job you could, taking a standard contract to mine a newly discovered mineral deposit on a sulfur heavy moon for scientific research. It was a decent enough pay once you handed in your harvest to the research team. It didn’t provide you the rush that Aurelac harvesting did, though. It was the kind of job that was a ‘safe bet’, not a gamble, like it was on the Green. You might have waited for something more _ exciting,  _ but you had wanted to leave central as _ soon as possible _ after you had said your goodbyes to Ezra. Wanting to push the memory of him away as quickly as you could. Stupidly believing that out of sight meant out of mind.    
You followed that job up with another on the same planet, harvesting a highly conductive metal similar to gold, it was used in electronics. It was not the most  _ dazzling _ payload you had ever collected, nothing exciting or too complicated like the  Aurelac , it was backbreaking and tiring, but it filled your pockets well.    
Despite it being the busiest job you had ever been on, constantly surrounded by the other harvesters on the teams or the research scientists, it was the  _ loneliest _ you had ever felt on the job. The loss of Ezra’s companionship screamed loudest at you during that time, much to your annoyance. You had taken the job to  _ distract _ yourself from him, not lament even more. (As you laid in the crowded communal bunk,  _ surrounded _ by people,  _ physically _ closer to more people than you ever had been in your entire life, but more alone than ever.    
Ezra had made you feel like the only other person in the entire galaxy when you spoke, that feeling had not faded due to distance or time. What was once something that made you feel special, important, the  _ centre of the entire universe _ , now made you feel isolated and lost, forgotten, with no Ezra around, feeling like you were the only other person in the universe suddenly became soul crushing.    
You longed to see him more than all the points in the galaxy, you dreamt about losing yourself in a conversation with him once more, of becoming bewitched in his sparkling dark eyes and alluring, crooked smile. Oh to simply have him curled up beside you on your bunk, not even speaking, just _ there _ . You did not slowly start to forget about him as you had originally feared you would.

The return to Central was significantly different this time around, your days aboard the ship home made you more resentful of your past self, as you wandered the halls the two of you used to explore. You couldn’t bear to spend extended time in your quarters, that was where you had enjoyed his company the most, choosing to be in there only for sleep. The departure was much quicker than the last time, you pushed yourself through the busy crowd gathered in the ships entrance foyer to get out as quickly as possible. While the weather was nothing to note when you had last departed, this time it was raining, and dark, well into the night. The ship had landed much later than scheduled due to a passing meteor shower which only dampened your mood further.    
  
You had not  _ once _ stopped thinking about him, you had been convinced you would get over him eventually, you often scolded yourself for how much you  _ yearned _ for him, the two of you were never anything more than friends but you longed for him the way you imagined you would have a lover. It was like he was your other half, and now a piece of you was missing, ironic for two people who had both physically lost parts of themselves.    
Returning to the place you had last seen him did nothing to change those feelings.    
You pushed it away once more, cowardly retreating away from your feelings once again when given the opportunity to make things right. You knew he had to be  _ somewhere _ on the planet, huddled up in a little home with Cee, you hoped so at least. He was ready to put so much work into becoming her guardian, it would be a huge disappointment if he had been unsuccessful.    
It would be so easy, to just go grab a phone and call, you knew the number by heart now. You would often trade your books for new ones on a job but you refused to part ways with the one Ezra gave you, even if the messy scrawl was etched into your brain forever. It was the only reminder you had of him, the only proof that he had ever actually existed in your life. You were never able to separate from it, no matter how much you had wanted to push his memory away.    
You passed the payphones, considering it for the briefest of moments before the call of the job listing board won out to you.    
Calling him meant confronting the emotions you were trying to bury, and facing your fear.    
_ ‘Coward,’ _ Ezra's voice echoed in your mind, the same thought that you heard every time you considered reaching out. You were terrified of what he would say if you ever saw him again.    
Shaking those thoughts out of your head, you made your way over to the flickering, beat up screen displaying all the departures, groaning as you went through them all. The next sling out for your company was more than a month away, meaning you had two options, stick around and take a break, or change to a different company.    
If you changed, you would forgo your 2nd class lodgings and ship, you didn’t have a hush deal with anyone else, so you would have to rent a pod just like every other prospector, your own quarters  _ and ship  _ was a luxury you did not want to pass up. You didn’t even have the chance to use your own ship for the last job, it seemed like a waste to not use it. You groaned loudly in annoyance, running your hands through your hair as you relented that you would have to wait for the time being, last time you never had the opportunity to revel in the spoils of your harvest. 

You _ supposed _ this time you could, maybe that would be a better distraction. You trudged out of the arrivals and departures terminal you were in, past the wall of payphones again, hesitating for just a moment before pushing on, through the rain to walk to the strip where you knew there would be hotels. You didn’t bother with a cab, the strip wasn’t that far away and you were cheap, you could walk the distance. Your tired body protested however, the long boring trip after months of backbreaking work, mixed with the rain and delay in arrival, it all wore you down, the emotional baggage you were carrying certainly didn’t help much either.    
A walk that should have taken you five minutes tops once you left the space port took you close to twenty. The light rain turned into a downpour.    
It couldn’t get any worse. 

Of course, when someone says ‘it can’t get any way worse’ the universe always seems to prove them wrong. And it seemed the ‘merciful’ universe was conspiring against you, because as you arrived on the hotel strip you were angered to find two were locked, no one bothered to come to the door no matter how many times you rung the service bell,  _ one _ was shut for construction, another two were out of rooms and the last had a rather snooty desk clerk who decided, just by looking at you, that you couldn't afford their _ luxuries _ and you were promptly shooed away. You gave him a piece of your mind as you were escorted away, angrily flipping the clerk off as security escorted you out. This was the industrial district, not a place where  _ high end  _ clients tended to stay.    
  
You almost cried as you walked the streets alone, too tired to try and find a new place on foot or even formulate a plan. You were all but ready to collapse in a bus stop or under a bridge, ready to admit defeat and sleep anywhere that was dry when a buzzing light caught the corner of your eye. A singular, beat up old payphone. His number flashed in your head again.    
  
You were all but ready to push the temptation away until you realized you were already inside and dialing. Perhaps you were just a little too tired and desperate to stop. Your stubbornness vanishes in hopes for a dry, warm place to sleep.    
You held your breath in anticipation and  _ dread _ , a potent mix of emotions swirled through your mind as you waited for it to either ring off or for him to answer. You weren’t sure which one you wanted  _ more _ .    
“Hmm? Who _ the fuck _ is calling me so god damn early in the morning?” a familiar, tired voice groaned. Your breath hitched. “I swear you telemarketers never understand people need to  _ sleep _ , I have to wake up early tomorrow- _ today _ I imagine for wor-”   
“Ezra” You whispered, voice barely there, interrupting his tired rambling.   
“A-Angel?” He gasped, sounding considerably more awake and alert. The two of you listened in silence, him waiting for your response, you struggling to talk.    
“Y-yeah, it's me,” you sighed, eventually breaking the silence, curling in on yourself to protect yourself from the cold and his reaction.    
“W-well not that I'm not happy to hear from you, because I am,  _ exceedingly _ so, but what the matter? Why are you calling?” he asked cautiously,  _ hopefully _ ..   
“I-uh, I landed back in central like an hour ago...” you whimpered just a bit “I have nowhere else to go. No Hotels and no ride...”    
You heard some quick shuffling on his end, it sounded like fabric, sheets maybe? He was getting dressed, your tired mind eventually concluded. “Where are you? I’m on my way,” he said.    
Nerves and panic overcame you for a moment, suddenly faced with the realization that you would see him, as much as you  _ wanted _ too, you were too scared to face the reality of being confronted by him again. “N-no, there's no need for that,” you stammered. “I shouldn’t have bothered you, I'm sorry I woke you-”    
“Don’t hang up!” he begged,  _ pleading _ . It reminded you of the last night you saw him. Guilt stabbed you in the stomach and  _ twisted _ . “ _ Please _ , it's no trouble at all….. I’m not letting you sleep out there all alone, in this rain nonetheless. I am begging you, please let me help you out of this situation. I just want to make sure you're  _ safe _ , so _ please _ , where are you?”    
You hesitated, biting your lip and listened to his deep, calming breaths before telling him your current location, tiredly reading dim, fluttering neon signs to help him figure out your exact position. He sounded pleased as he was getting ready to race out the door, apparently you weren’t too far from his home.    
He had to hang up as he headed out,  _ begging _ you not to go anywhere before he galloped out his door. Once you were greeted with the dial tone once more you hung up the phone and sunk down slowly to the floor of the payphone, too tired to keep standing and soaked to the core as you waited for him. You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you had almost fallen asleep, shivering in the cold when soft knocking on the glass roused you.    
There he stood, on the other side of the glass, drenched to high heavens, goofy, crooked grin you had missed _ so much _ , he greeted you with a wave of his one arm.    
He opened the door with a struggle, you shivered more as the cold night air hit you, and he helped you to your feet.    
“ _ Easy, _ Angel, let's get you out this cold and into something dry,” he said, taking your bag from you and leading you in the apparent direction of his home, with his arm securely around you. His hand kept caressing you as you walked, and he constantly glanced at you as if checking you were really there.   
It was a good thing he lived so close, because apparently he didn’t have a vehicle. You supposed that made sense, driving with one arm would be difficult. He helped you walk all the way there, encouraging you to walk just a bit further each time you sagged tiredly.    
Before too long you were pulled into his small apartment, too tired to take it in and ready to collapse once more, on the floor if you had to, soaking wet or not.    
“Angel, I'm going to run the shower for you,” he said, setting your bag down. “I know you’re tired, but you are  _ soaked _ to the bone. So let's get you warm and dry, hm?” he suggested leading you gently into an equally small bathroom. He ran the shower for you before going off to collect some dry clothes and a towel.    
“ _ Here _ , get yourself all warmed up, you can wear these, your bag’s just as soaked as you are I am afraid, it doesn’t fare well for any of your spare clothes,” he said, handing them over to you. Grey sweats and a plain black t-shirt, they were his. “I’ll make the couch up , and you can take my bed.”    
You began to tiredly protest, mumbling an insistence that you would take the couch, but he wouldn’t allow that. Instructing you to get yourself warm and dry before you got sick. The only reason you relented, apart from being too tired to put up a decent argument, was because he wasn’t going to shower and warm himself up until you were done. Getting him sick wouldn’t help your guilt.    
  
Once you were finished in the bathroom, dressed in the spare clothes of his you walked out, half dead, he led you to the bed, helping your groggy mind remove your prosthetic, he placed a towel under it and leant it against the wall upside down. It was something you had never told him to do, but he had most likely noticed you doing it after every shower, back on your return from the Green. A gentle hand tucked you in, hushed whispers to you of how  _ happy _ he was to see you again as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead and wished you sweet dreams. You weren’t sure how much your tired mind was conjuring it up, but you felt him caress your cheek tenderly before finally leaving. You were quick to drift off, the smell of him surrounding you and the sound of the shower running relaxing you and letting you finally succumb to sleep. 

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  


Happy chatter and a boisterous laugh awoke you the next morning. Alarmed, you sat up quickly trying to figure out just where you were. The room was unfamiliar, a bed with worn, plain sheets, a dresser partially opened with unfolded clothes spilling out, your prosthetic leaning against the wall. The bedside table and the dresser had multiple novels piled on top of them, but otherwise the room lacked any other personal touches that might have helped your sleep delayed brain. You were alone, and in clothes that weren't yours. Thoroughly confused, you were about to panic, before the smell hit you, a familiar masculine smell you had not forgotten, even after such a long time. A smell you associated with safety, books and a singular warm arm embracing you.   
Ezra.    
_ That’s right _ , you had called him out of desperation last night.   
You listened to the voices in the next room, you recognized them as both Cee And Ezra. They were laughing together, you couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but they were happy, relaxed.   
You sat in silence, trying to figure out what to do. There was that stubborn side of you that wanted to run, to double down on the  _ stupid _ belief that you had kept since you last saw him, simply because you were too prideful and afraid to admit to yourself that you were  _ wrong _ . But realistically, you knew you could run anymore, you were in his  _ bed _ , you would have to face him and accept the truth: that you had fucked up, that cutting him off had not made anything easier, that you had been miserable for the past year and a half, even though you had ended your friendship with him to avoid that happening.    
_ ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder _ ’ you thought to yourself as you heard what sounded like the front door close, and the muffle conversation ended.    
A few seconds later a gentle knock rapped at the door, Ezra cautiously poked his head into the room. A smile spread on his face when he saw you sitting up and awake.    
“ _ Angel _ !” he praised, allowing himself to enter the room. He sat himself on the edge of the bed and took one of your hands in his, stroking your knuckles softly. “I have just made some breakfast for the Little bird, there's still plenty left, would you like some?” he asked, the familiar charming smile that you had missed so much still plastered on his face.    
You sighed and nodded, giving a timid smile back, put your leg on and quietly followed him out into the main living area, still holding his hand as he led you to your seat at the kitchen counter.    
Now actually awake you took note of the space. It was small, nothing fancy, just the basics in terms of furniture. A very small lounge area right by the front door, the kitchen directly to the right, with a small island and bar,. A similar sized table and matching chairs stood by the windows, and three doors in the little ‘hallway’ by the kitchen, the bathroom, Ezra's room and what you would assume was Cee's room. The only personal touches around the place was a mess of papers and more piles of books, just like in his room.   
You were too busy looking to realize Ezra had been speaking as he cooked up some breakfast, it was pancakes.   
“-And Birdie’s hoping to apply for a literary scholarship, she has the aspiration to become an author,  _ surprise surprise _ . I instructed her that she has to dedicate at least  _ one _ of her books to me, and that I intended to get her first copy,  _ signed, _ mind you.” You managed to catch the end of what he was saying as he finished serving up your breakfast, putting the plate in front of where you were sitting at the little counter bar.    
He leaned onto the counter opposite you with a smile, allowing you to dig in.    
You ate in silence, appreciating just how much better the food was compared to the ship you had just gotten off. You were steeling yourself for the conversation that was coming, tension hanging in the air.   
“I missed you,” he eventually said after you had been sitting silently for too long.    
You didn’t know what to say,  _ as usual _ , so you just kept on eating awkwardly, not looking at him. Mentally scolding yourself, ignoring your issues had proven to be ineffective, why do you bother keeping it up?   
“ _ Please _ don’t tell me you already regret calling me Angel?” 

He sighed at your lack of response, brushing some of your messy bed hair from your face so he could see your eyes better.    
You shook your head. “N-no, I just don’t know what to say. I’m not like you Ezra. I can’t just..say how I really feel.” Frustrated with yourself, you looked down at your lap.   
“Did you miss me?” he asked, voice a mixture of hope and nerves.

You sighed loudly, did he _ really think you didn’t? _   
“ _ Of course _ I did, Ezra,” you whispered, looking up and meeting his gaze.   
“I have found myself unable to stop thinking about you Angel,” he confessed, rubbing the back of his neck and turning away from your gaze. “Nothing I have done has quelled the longing in my heart for your company. I am happy, with this new life I have built with my Little Bird, but I must concede that I have not been successful in my endeavors to find a friendship that meant half as much as yours did to me.”   
Yet again you were at a loss for words, tears welled up in your eyes and you bit back a sob.    
“Angel?” he asked, concern thick in his voice when you let out the chocked sound and the dam inside you broke, the tidal wave of emotions crashing through you that had been pent up inside you for the past year and a half. He was quick to round the counter and pull you off your seat and into his embrace, soothing you with gentle strokes to your back.    
“Easy, Angel, _ easy, _ ” he soothed. “Tell me what is upsetting you so?”    
You shook your head, unable to articulate yourself the way he seemed to do so with ease.    
“Are you upset about seeing me again?” he tried, you shook your head no again.   
“N-no, I’m  _ happy _ to see you again, Ezra, really,” you mumbled into his shirt as you continued to cry.    
“But these are not happy tears, Angel,“ he pointed out, cupping your face gently and directing your gaze to his. He brushed a tear away with his thumb. “You are not crying because you are happy to see me. Which perturbs me. I beg of you to tell me what’s wrong?”    
“I’m just…” you trailed off trying to find the words, he was looking at you with such patience and support, silently encouraging you to continue.  _ How could you have ever pushed him away? How could you hurt him like that?  _ You did not deserve his kindness, his care, and yet, after pushing him away for no other reason than stubbornness and pride he still,  _ still _ dropped everything to come help you out, even in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. You wanted to confess every thought, every regret for what you had done, proclaim to him how wrong you had been and that you were an idiot for not listening to him. But those words were trapped, all you could manage was a quiet whisper of “I’m sorry.”   
His body slumped as he let out a breath you didn’t notice he had been holding. His soft smile grew as he shook his head and pulled you in a tight embrace again.    
He placed a kiss on the crown of your head. ”And here i thought something was  _ wrong, _ ” he sighed, gently nuzzling the top of your head with his cheek. “I forgive you,  _ of course _ I forgive you,” he murmured, not letting you go.    
He was just too good to you. “You were right,” your voice tight and eyes filled with more tears that threatened to spill. Your fingers gripped the material of his shirt tightly. ”I-I was just being stubborn and there was no  _ reason _ to cut you out. How can you even  _ look _ at me? All it did was hurt me  _ more _ and I  _ let it happen _ . I  _ hurt you, _ Ezra.”    
He kissed the crown of your head once more. “That you did,” he began,“But I forgive you anyway, Angel. You did not do it out of malice or rancor. I cannot blame you for a misguided belief that you were protecting yourself, as much as your actions pained me, not when you have accepted your faults and have come to amend them.”    
“B-but I  _ didn’t _ ,” you admitted in shame, burying your face in his chest. “I had multiple opportunities to call you before last night, I passed them all up until my circumstances changed and I became  _ desperate _ . I was actively trying to  _ avoid _ seeing you again until I ran out of options.”    
“Such a  _ stubborn _ woman,” he murmured, rocking you ever so gently in his embrace. “I truly do  _ not care _ about any of that now, Angel. All that matters is that I was gifted the pleasure of seeing you again. That you did eventually decide to grace my life with your presence once more." Ezra beamed at you, before continuing, "I have sorely missed your company and I am simply too overjoyed about your return to me to even entertain thoughts about anything else." He paused, shifting slightly. "Just please tell me, now that you are here that you will not leave me once more?”    
Your arms cautiously wrapped around his middle. “I’ll have to go back to work eventually,” you muttered.   
“Not like that Angel, you  _ know _ what i mean,” he said, cupping your face again so you could meet his gaze. “ _ Tell me _ you won’t cut me out again,” he said, brow stern and eyes searching yours, searching for a truthful response.    
Your lip trembled.”I won’t,” you whispered, voice quiet but resolve clear.    
“Okay,  _ good _ ,” he sighed, releasing his gentle hold on your face. “Then  _ that _ is all that matters. We can put the past behind us and continue on.” 

“ _ Just like that _ ?” you asked, struggling to accept he was willing to forget  _ everything  _ that went wrong.    
“Do you _ want _ to sit down and talk about it?” He asked. “I am more than willing to, if that's what you wish Angel.”    
“M-maybe not right now,” you sigh, not quite ready to resolve all that emotional baggage just yet.    
“When you’re ready, then,” he said, soft encouragement in his voice, kissing your forehead and releasing his hold on you. “Come, let's get you sorted. Your belongings are still soaked, we can get them all washed and dried,” he hummed, trying to cheer you up.    
“I can do it at the hotel, when I find one,” you said, not wanting to trouble him.    
“H-hotel?” he asked, “I hope I do not come across as too selfish but I would very much like you to stay here. If you’re receptive to that idea?”    
“This is your home Ezra” you pointed out. “I don’t want to invade.”    
“ _ Nonsense, _ you are  _ more _ than welcome. I know it’s not fancy like some of the hotels you can stay at, so I _ understand _ if you would choose one over my humble little apartment, but in all honesty I was hoping you would stay, if only for a short while.”    
“What about Cee? This is her home too,” you pointed out, brows furrowed in worry.   
“I spoke to Birdie this morning before she left for school. She is more than happy to have you stay as well,” he said, folding up the blankets still thrown on the couch as best he could. “I made sure of that. I would never invite someone to stay if she was uncomfortable with the idea.”    
“I don’t want to trouble you any further-” you started.   
“It’s no trouble,  _ please _ Angel,” he said, cutting you off. “I am asking because I  _ want  _ to, and I am not ready to say goodbye to you yet, even if it is just for a few hours.You can even take my room-”   
“Keeva  _ no, _ Ezra,” you sighed. “I’ll stay,  _ alright _ . I don’t want to say goodbye just yet either, but I am not going to make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”    
“I am quite alright with it Angel,” he said.    
“ _ Yeah right, _ ” you scoffed. I can tell just by  _ looking _ at that thing you don’t fit on it properly. I’m smaller, I'll  _ actually _ fit on it. And that’s final,” you said poking him in the chest.   
He was about to protest again, ready to  _ insist  _ but you interrupted him before he had a chance to voice himself. ”If you do not accept me sleeping on the couch I  _ will _ go find a hotel,” you said, tone stern as you crossed your arms, challenging him to continue.    
He sighed, giving up. Reluctantly letting you take the couch so you would stay.    
  
It felt _ good _ to have him back in your life, helping you once more, and you him, there was still a little tension between the two of you which you would have to talk about eventually,  _ later _ , as you had agreed. For the time being, it was just nice to have him back.   
He helped you with all your wet clothes in his apartment buildings tiny laundry room, the two of you sitting opposite the running machines on the scuffed ground side by side as you waited, catching up. Absence had done nothing to wear at the connection you shared.    
  
He told you of the difficult process of becoming Cee’s legal guardian, the hoops he had to jump through. The desperate search for a stable job and apartment so he could provide for her. You felt another pang of guilt, having abandoned him in such a difficult time, but he assured you he felt no ill will. He now had 2 jobs, one meaneal labor job that wasn’t so difficult he couldn’t do it with one arm, and another at the spaceport you had just departed from, he was essentially a security guard. It was basic work, he had told you, nothing he took particular pride or passion in, just something to pay the bills and provide for Cee until she went to college. He confessed just how much he missed prospecting, he chased that thrill of a good harvest just as you did.    
He begged you to tell him tales of your last exploit back out into the stars.    
“Sorry Ezra, my last job was far from a thrilling adventure” you huffed, amused. “No gems or exciting digs. Just backbreaking labor to mine some standard ore, and help a research team dig up a newly discovered mineral.”    
“Angel, that sounds  _ more than _ stimulating to me,” he said with a grin, stupid puppy dog eyes sparkling at you in hopes of a tale. “ _ Tell me _ ,” he urged excitedly, puppy dog eyes sparkling at you that you couldn’t resist.   
You sighed. “I don’t think I've ever been on a job so physically _ demanding _ . Nothing like the drops down to the Green. It was this _ huge _ team led by the researchers,” you explained, eyes cast down in thought as you tried to remember details. “It was… lonely,” you admitted casting your gaze down. “There was a potential for a pharmaceutical use for the mineral, it was difficult to collect, and fragile, so they hired big teams to collect as much as possible. Huge professional gig so everything was provided, and we got paid by the day as well as bonuses if we managed to collect more than the minimum requirement.”   
He whistled at that in awe. “Damn Angel, that sounds like that meant one hell of a payload when you were done then.”    
You hummed in agreement. “Yeah, not going to lie, it was a little boring compared to  Aurelac harvesting , and difficult, but it was more than a decent pay,” you huffed in amusement before continuing. “The next one was basic, just, mining for ore. Standard kinda job, not one of the thrill seekers things either.”    
“We all get those kinds of jobs every now and then,” he nodded, leaning back and closing his eyes. You could imagine him reliving the memories of his former life behind those closed lids. Playfully nudging his shoulder to get his attention, you grinned at him when he brought his wistful eyes to meet yours. “You’ll be back there, soon enough,” you encouraged.    
A sad smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I truly want that to happen, Angel,” he sighed, tearing his gaze away to stare off at the opposite wall. “I must confide that I have begun to fear my severed arm has proven to be far too arduous to deal with certain tasks. I have taught myself to become ambidextrous in my writing but there are things I have discovered are too… difficult to accomplish now that I am without part of myself.”    
You listened to his concern with an understanding smile before leaning against him, resting your cheek on his shoulder, looking up into his sorrowful eyes that were staring into the distance. “Do you remember when I told you it gets easier?” you asked, barely above a whisper, he glanced at you before nodding slightly, sighing as he did so.    
“I meant it,” you continued. “It  _ will _ get easier Ezra, when you get a prosthetic, well then, the world better watch out.” You took his hand in both of yours, giving it an encouraging squeeze and smiling at him.    
“What if I can't?” he asked, brows furrowed in worry , giving away a hidden fear. “What if I do not bounce back? And I stay this _ broken _ shell of my former self?”   
You rolled your eyes, he was the dramatic sort sometimes. “Ezra, _ look at me, _ ” you whispered as he tore his gaze away again, you cupped his face lightly to bring it back to you. 

You weren't one to initiate physical affection from him, but his absence had made you crave it so much during your time apart, that you were willing to throw a little caution to the wind. 

“You’re not some ‘ _ shell _ ’-” you started, cut off when huffed and rolled his own eyes, not agreeing with you. ” _ Hey now _ , I never knew you before  _ this, _ ” you gestured to his missing arm with one hand. ”I didn’t know Ezra _ before _ , I only know  _ this _ Ezra." To underline that, you poked him in the chest with a single finger. "And I  _ like _ this Ezra.” You playfully flicked his forehead afterwards, laughing as he pouted at you. “Don’t  _ pout _ at me like that, mister,” you snickered as he rubbed his forehead.

“ _ Look, _ ok, I don't think you're this _ shell _ , in fact, I wish I could express just how  _ amazing _ I think you are, Ezra,” you started again, shy smile on your face. “But I  _ know  _ how you’re feeling, I’ve  _ been there too, _ remember? I’m  _ just like you _ . So if you’re having any self deprecating thoughts because you’re an amputee, then I'm afraid I will have to take that as a _ personal offence _ , because if you’re less of a man for losing your arm, then by that logic, I’m less of a woman for losing my leg.” Raising your chin at him, you stared him in the eyes, challenge written in your face.   
He looked at you, aghast, eyebrows raised and eyes wide. “Angel, I would  _ never _ think that way of you-”   
“ _ Good _ , then you can’t think that way about yourself either. It’s  _ not allowed _ ,” you said sternly, not allowing him any room to argue. “You lost an arm, _ so what _ ? It’s a part of your life now and you just have to  _ deal _ with it.“    
He queried his brow at you. 

“I think I prefer your gentle consolations over this,” he mumbled, making you snort with laughter.    
“Sometimes, it helps to have a dose of reality. Recovery is a long process and it can’t always be soft encouragement. Sometimes it’s better to give you a shove than to hold your hand,” you said, letting go of his hand to empathize the point.   
“I  _ like _ when you hold my hand, Angel,” he whispered, hand reaching to take yours back but hesitated. “Makes me feel safer than I have felt in a  _ long time _ ,” he said, you weren't sure if he was talking metaphorically or not, but either way it made your stomach flip.    
“ _ Well,”  _ you began, feeling a little flushed over his innocent little comment, voice pitched for a moment as you composed yourself _.  _ “You  _ need _ a shove right now, but I hope me standing at the sidelines shouting that you can do it is a good enough substitute.”    
“So long as you are there Angel, it's more than enough,” he smiled, resting his hand on your knee instead.   
The machines in front of you finally finished their cycles, bringing the two of you two back to reality. You smiled and patted his shoulder before getting up off the floor so you could remove the clothes from the machines.

You couldn’t remember being so happy since the last good day the two of you had spent together. He helped you hang up your clothes on a small drying frame in his apartment, he playfully waggled his eyebrows at you as he hung up your underwear, to which you were  _ mortified  _ and threw a wet sock at his smug face as he cracked up.    
He had called in sick from work that morning, you later found out, so he could spend the _ whole day _ with you. You sat with him on his couch, chatting with him as if the two of you had never been separated.    
Cee returned home late afternoon, it warmed your heart to watch Ezra get up and greet her with a small hug and ask her about her day, offering her help with any homework she had.   
She said hi to you, a soft smile on her face as she made her way to her room to do her homework, refusing Ezras offer of help.    
She emerged again close to dinner time, Ezra having ordered takeout to ‘celebrate’ your return. You were left alone together as Ezra went to collect your meals at the apartment gate.    
  
“It’s uh, really nice to see you again,” Cee said to fill in the slightly tense silence. The two of you never had a meaningful conversation with each other, accepting that the other just came with having Ezra in your life.   
“It’s nice to see you again too,” you said truthfully, giving her a soft smile.    
She shook her head, “no, i mean,  _ yeah _ . It is  _ nice _ to see you but I meant, I’m happy your back. Da- Ezra has been kinda _ mopey _ , since he last saw you. He’s happy again, is what I was trying to say. He’s missed you.”    
“I’ve missed him too,” you said, charmed that she cared so much for her adoptive father's happiness.    
“He hasn’t shut up about you you know?” she said rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly as she revealed something Ezra probably wouldn’t want her telling you. “He kept asking me what he could have done differently, or wondering what you were up to, he was really worried about you, not knowing where you were.”    
You felt a pang of guilt hit your chest. “I didn’t mean to hurt him Cee, I hope you know that.”    
“Yeah, _ I do _ ,” she sighed. “ I wasn’t happy to see him so upset, but no one was angry at you. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, he’s happy  _ now _ and you’re back together again.”   
“ _ Together _ ?” you balked. “W-we’re not _ togethe _ r, just…  _ friends _ . That’s all we are, friends,” you clarified feeling flustered and your face heating up.    
Cee snorted. “You’re  _ just _ like him I swear-” she laughed as the front door opened and Ezra returned, brown paper bag in hand, declaring dinner was served with a cheerful tone.    
You didn’t have a chance to ask Cee what she meant, distracting yourself from your slightly flustered mind by helping Ezra serve and carry everything over to the couch where the two of you sat. Cee sitting adjacent from you on the floor, a content smile on her face as she watched Ezra happily chat with you while the three of you ate your meals. 


	4. Let me help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra is a sweet heart and you try to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @oloreaa on Tumblr for being my Beta reader

Okay, so the couch  _ sucked _ .    
It was old, lumpy and you had no idea how Ezra had managed to sleep on it the night before. It was  _ who knows _ what time in the morning when you gave in, conceding that you probably weren’t going to get any sleep that night.    
To pass the time you grabbed one of the many books that were strewn around the place, attempting to read by the soft glow of the lamp beside the couch, your heavy eyes protesting, demanding you sleep but you knew there was no way to get comfortable, even with the blankets Ezra had so carefully tucked you in with.    
  
You were all but ready to sleep on the floor as you re-read the same sentence of the book for the fifth time in a row, still failing to understand what it said. You were preparing the blankets, ready to throw them to the ground when a small, muffled noise caught your attention. Closing your eyes and holding your breath to focus in on the noise, you concluded it was coming from the wall right behind the couch. Ezra’s room. It sounded like... soft whimpering, and perhaps you were a little too enamored by him, because your mind immediately conjured up some rather  _ adult  _ images to the sound. 

You felt guilty for those thoughts immediately however, not just for thinking of your friend that way, but because a strangled, muffled yell corrected your assumption, reminding you of one of your first, truly personal discussion with your friend.    
_ He has nightmares.  _ _   
_ You quietly, but quickly put your leg on before you even comprehend what you were doing, not wanting to listen to him suffer.    
You gently padded over to his room, letting yourself in silently. You couldn’t see him too well in the dark, a small amount of street light let in through the blinds only allowing you to see enough detail to make out his outline in the darkness.    
He was tossing and turning, panting heavily in his sleep and mumbling incoherent thoughts, but because of his frantic tone you couldn’t make any of them out. Every now and then he let out a desperate whimper or startled yelp, it broke your heart to listen to it. You could only imagine what he was seeing in his dreams. You were sitting on the edge of his bed before you even thought of a plan as to how to help him, you knew better than to wake him, and while you didn’t believe the myth that waking someone from a nightmare could kill them, you did know it could be equally as startling. But you just couldn’t  _ bear _ to listen to him suffer. You reached across him and took his hand from where it lay on his chest, gently caressing his knuckles. Brushing the hair from his face with your other hand, you smoothed the hair from his forehead, not bothered by how he was sweaty to the touch. His thrashing stopped at your touch, but the poor man was still whimpering and calling for help in his sleep. All you could think to do was shush him and comfort him with words.   
_ “Sshhhh, Ezra, it’s okay, you’re safe, I'm here,” _ you repeated in a whisper, the hand you were holding tightened for a moment, before his frantic mumbles and whimpered slowly died down. You weren’t sure how long it took, but you could _ feel _ him relax physically.    
“ _ Angel _ ,” he mumbled in his sleep, it sounded like a mix of relief and pleading.    
“Yeah,  _ it’s me _ ,’ you whispered back.  _ “Just settle down, you’re safe, you can sleep.” _ _   
_ He rolled onto his side slowly, his back turned to you, you had to relent and let go of his remaining hand as he did so, but his quiet, even breathing let you know that his nightmare had passed. You smiled in the dark, happy it was over for him. Getting up, you paused to look at his sleeping mass, you felt the urge to kiss his cheek goodnight. You knew he wouldn’t mind for you to do such a thing, he did not shy from sweet kisses to your forehead or hair when he comforted you after all, and you could imagine his smile if you were ever bold enough to try such a thing while he was awake. Perhaps it was because he was asleep that you felt so bold, stroking his hair again as you leant down to kiss his cheek. He sighed your nickname again and nuzzled himself further into his pillow.    
“Sweet dreams,” you whispered as you let yourself out of the room, careful not to close the door too loudly as to wake him.    
You collapsed back on the couch with tired grunt, trying to settle down before remembering your previous issue. Cursing quietly you threw the pile of blankets Ezra had given you onto the ground so you could situate yourself more comfortably, too tired to even bother with your leg.    
_ ‘It’s better than the couch at least’ _ you thought as your body slowly surrendered to sleep. 

“Morning, Dad,” Cee’s voice cut through the small living area, rousing you from sleep.    
“ _ Shhhhh _ , she's still asleep,” Ezra whispered. “I don’t think she slept well last night, she's sleeping on the floor. I don’t want to wake her.” 

You smiled into the pillow, he was so considerate.   
“The couch _ is  _ uncomfortable,” Cee replied, whispering too.    
“I know, but she refused to let me take it.  _ Stubborn _ woman,” he murmured as he moved about the kitchen.    
“That makes two of you,” Cee teased, snickering at something, Ezra’s expression you imagined. “Are you going to work today?” she asked, changing the subject.   
“Not until tonight, i’m only working at the port this evening,” he answered, a soft sizzling sound filling the kitchen for a moment. “Which is why, _ little lady, _ I am up and making _ you _ breakfast.”   
_ “Pancakes  _ again?” she asked. “You only make them when you’re in a good mood.”    
“Well, there’s  _ plenty _ to be happy about now,” he whispered, you could hear the smile on his face.    
“ _ I’ll _ bet,” the young girl snickered again.    
You could hear him flipping the pancakes, the smell made your stomach rumble.    
“I must enquire, Little Bird.” Ezra sighed after a short while. “I believe I had one of my terrors again last night. Please tell me I did not wake you up again?”    
You heard the fridge open, followed by the sound cutlery. “Yeah, I heard, but you stopped pretty quickly.”    
Ezra sighed and hesitated a moment before asking, voice even quieter. “Do you think I kept her up too?”    
“I think she's the reason you stopped,” Cee murmured back, you could imagine the quizzical look Ezra was no doubt giving her, prompting her to continue. “I heard her moving about shortly after they started.” she admitted quietly. “I think I heard her go into your room.”    
Their conversation died down after that, both trying to keep as quiet as possible as to not wake you, but you couldn’t help drifting awake every now and then as they went about their morning routine. Things were silent once more when Cee left for school, Ezra seeing her off at the door.    
You could hear him shuffling about, trying to be respectful of your sleep.   
  
You woke up properly close to noon. Groaning loudly as you stretched out on the floor between the couch and coffee table before struggling up onto your feet. You were glad you kept your leg on, getting up off the floor without it would have been _ annoying _ .    
You made your way to the bathroom, hearing Ezra shuffle about in his room. He greeted you as you came back out of the bathroom, now standing in the kitchen.    
“Good morning, Angel,” he smiled cheerfully. “May I interest your weary soul with some breakfast?”    
“Pancakes?” you asked with a tired smile, nodding your answer to him as you were trying to brush the tangles out of your bed head with your fingers.   
“How did you know?” he asked with a chuckle, taking the batter out of the fridge.   
“I heard from a little Bird that you only make them when you’re in a good mood,” you joked, sitting yourself at the counter.    
He paused and looked at you. “Ah, you heard Birdie and I this morning? I’m very sorry about that, we did not intend to rouse you from your slumber.”    
You shook your head. “It's fine, you weren’t being loud,” you reassured. “It's just I didn’t have a proper sleep last night.” Mentally you scolded yourself at your slip, you  _ were _ trying to reassure him, and here you were implying you had a terrible sleep because of your sleeping situation.    
He looked to the ground in shame and guilt. “Because of the couch, or because of me?” he asked.    
You sighed, “Travel lag catching up on me,” you lied, wanting to spare his concerns. “I was already awake last night when you had your nightmare.”    
He swallowed and turned back to his task of making the pancakes. “I am sorry you had to see me like that-” he began.    
“ _ Stop _ ,” you said firmly, putting an end to his self pity. “I  _ understand _ Ezra. I already knew you had them, I've had them too. I know exactly what it's like. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”    
He looked back at you, guilt etched on his face. “I-I imagined I would be rid of them by now.” he admitted. “It has been almost two years, there's no reason for me to-”    
“Keeva,  _ stop, _ Ezra,” you sighed. “You went through something  _ horrific _ , you had a traumatic injury, and not only that, had to deal with the result of that injury while _ conscious _ .  _ No one _ expects you to be over it.” 

He distracted himself with your breakfast.    
“You know,” you said, bringing his attention back to you. “I  _ still _ get them too sometimes? And I lost mine _ long  _ before you had.” He looked back at you again, eyes wide. “ _ Still? _ ” he asked.    
You nodded. “Of course, there's no set timeline on recovery Ezra,” you said, giving him a soft, sympathetic smile. “In fact, most of us spend the rest of our lives dealing with it. You give yourself too high expectations, you know?”    
He returned your smile. “Once again, Angel, you have made it seem far less daunting, thank you.”    
You beamed at him as he plated up your food. “Enjoy your lunch!” he teased as he placed the plate in front of you. You rolled your eyes at him before digging in.    
  
Your clothes were still wet, but Ezra gave you some more spares of his for you to wear for the time being after you took a quick shower. He was getting himself ready for his shift that night as you came out of the bathroom again. He wanted to make sure everything was ready to go so he could spend as much time as possible with you before he had to race off. Once the two of you were ready you both sat on the couch while you let your leg dry out.    
“I am merely sitting at a desk watching monitors, Angel,” he explained when you asked what he had to do at work. “They do not allow me to act as a proper security guard doing rounds. They say I have no formal training, and apparently getting into altercations on the Green does not count as an adequate experience,” he chuckled. “And I think of course the arm plays a deciding factor in that regard. But,I suppose I am fine with that, I don't  _ want _ to be a security guard after all. I’ll take what I can get for now.”    
You stared at his stump for a moment from your position arm hooked over the back of the couch and resting your cheek on your arm.. “Physically, you should be able to get a prosthetic now yeah?” you asked.    
He nodded. “That's what my doctor said. But I regret that the option is out of my reach for now. Central is an expensive place, even in this industrial district. Every point I save goes to keeping a roof over Little Bird's head, providing her with an education and food in her belly. Everything I had saved up beforehand went to medical expenses and securing this place,” he gestured around.    
You smiled, tucking your leg up so you could rest your chin on your knee. It was so sweet how he was giving up everything for her but you couldn't help but feel the smallest amount of pity for him because he had to give up chasing his dream.    
“I could help?” you offered. He smiled, ruffling your hair before kissing your temple. “You have already helped me more than enough Angel.”    
“I want to help more,” you said, raising your chin in challenge.    
“Keep your points, save them for something important,” he encouraged.   
“I think a prosthetic is pretty damn important Ezra.” you challenged. ‘ _ You’re important’ _ you added in your head.    
“ _ Angel, _ ” he sighed. “You don’t have to-”   
“You’re right, i don’t have to. I _ want _ to.”   
“ _ Keeva _ you are  _ incredibly  _ stubborn you know that?” he chuckled.    
“I’ve been told once or twice,” you smiled. He chuckled more and shook his head. “I _ mean  _ it Ezra, let me help.”    
“I couldn’t ask that of you,” he said.    
“And you’re _ not _ , I'm  _ offering _ ,” you said, he was about to protest some more but you pressed on. “ _ Look, _ I'm in a good financial situation. I haven’t had to pay for medical or living expenses while in physical recovery, I don’t have to hire pods or lodging when i work. I don't spend much when I arrive back in Central and I just had  _ two _ successful trips in a row consisting of  _ multiple _ jobs. So if it's the points. We’re  _ good _ .”   
He hesitated, you could see in his eyes that he was considering it.   
“If this was the other way around, Ezra, you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing,” you cut into his thoughts with a poke to his chest.    
His shoulders dropped as he sighed. “I must concede that you are not wrong there, Angel.”   
You gave him a cheeky smile. “Then it’s agreed, I'm buying you a prosthetic!” you cheered.    
“ _ Only  _ a standard model,” he said sternly, “ No fancy robotics or anything too high end. And I  _ must _ insist that once Little Bird is off to college and I am back to prospecting that I pay you back.”    
“You really  _ can _ be just as stubborn as me,” you chuckled. “But, it’s a deal. We can take a look at options when you get some time off work.”    
He sighed, leaning back on the couch. “I am afraid that won’t be for a few days Angel. I took a day off yesterday for you, my days are not usually so free.”    
“It’s okay, I understand,” you said with a smile.    
He patted your thigh, looking back at you with a smile. “I hope you can keep yourself entertained while Little Bird and I are away. I think we have a spare key should you want to venture out at all. I would hate for you to be cooped up in here all day all alone after all.”    
You smiled wider, trying to ignore the way his casual touch made your heart soar and cheeks heat up. “I might just do that. I haven't had the chance to spend my spoils yet. Might treat myself.”    
“You deserve it,” he smiled back before getting up and rummaging about one of the kitchen drawers. He laughed in success as he pulled the key out and tossed it to you on the couch. “Cee gets back mid to late afternoon. I won’t be back until late at night. I’m sure I can trust you two ladies to arrange your own dinner. Although I am afraid there is not much in terms of food in the fridge, I have not had the chance to-”    
“I’ll go shopping,” you interrupted, getting up off the couch and making your way over to him. “And, before you start, yes, I  _ do have _ to. You are letting me crash here free of charge, It’s the  _ least _ I can do,” you said, poking him in the chest again.   
“I don’t know why I even bother trying to argue with you, Angel,” he sighed, rolling his eyes, a smile giving away his true feelings. “ _ Fine _ , just don’t burn the place down.”   
“Hey, I  _ can _ cook!” you pouted as he ruffled your hair again and kissed your forehead.    
“Of course you can, Angel,” he smiled.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr under @dadolorian
> 
> It is my fanfic/thirst blog and i share art there too


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